Procrastiblog

November 20, 2008

Top Chef: Not the Sharpest Knives

Filed under: Top Chef — Chris @ 12:26 am

Jill loses on Rule #2 (Never make something you’ve never made before: “An ostrich egg quiche? That’s got to be good! Hey, how do you open this thing?”). I also think she got herself Eliminated at Judges’ Table (see Rule #8, below)—judging by what was on the plate, it probably should have been Hosea, who blundered into making something everybody hated (and he thought it should have won!).

Some additions and amendments:

The main text of Corollary #2.1 should be amended to include the following: If you have to choose between interesting and delicious, choose delicious. If you have to choose between difficult and delicious, choose delicious.

Rule #3 should be amended to read: Never be a culinary student, a caterer, a Mom, or a seafood chef.

And some new rules:


Rule #7: If your plan leaves you stuck with an inferior product, change your plan.
For example: your fresh Dungeness crab salad might be a winner, a canned crab salad won’t be. Just ask: Spike and his frozen scallops (Season 4).


Rule #8: Be prepared to defend your dish at Judges’ Table.
Be prepared to tell them why you thought it would be good. Also be prepared to tell them why it wasn’t entirely successful (even if you liked it). Delusional tirades do not go down well. Nor does incoherent rambling about how you’ll try to do better next time, somehow, maybe, if you can only clear your head. Just ask: Jill, tonight, and Ryan (Season 4).

P.S. Top Chef producers: please define “hot dog”? Is a hot dog any kind of sausage (not necessarily in a casing) on any kind of bread? And what value, exactly, was added by having the hot dog stand lady there during the Quickfire?

P.P.S. Did anybody understand what in the hell Fabio did to those olives? When that dish came out I thought, “beef carpaccio with arugula? Lazy. (Delicious, but lazy.)” Then the judges freaked out over the olives, which they said were like egg yolks. How? Why? And how?

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6 Comments

  1. The olives apparently were transformed into an insect-type physical structure, effectively having a rigid exoskeleton and a liquid inside. I’m not sure why that would be good, though.

    re: canned crab as the sequel to shitty scallops – Do these cheftestants even watch the show?

    Comment by andy — November 20, 2008 @ 10:52 am

  2. Beef carpaccio with insectified olives? That’ll sell.

    Comment by Chris — November 20, 2008 @ 12:01 pm

  3. The olive-thingy kinda grossed me out. When Donatella wiggled one on her fork, all I could think of was an eyeball.

    Comment by brooke/chef biatch — November 24, 2008 @ 4:04 am

  4. […] Filed under: Top Chef — Chris @ 11:59 am I think Padma confirms my theory that Jill talked (read: inarticulately blathered) herself into elimination last week in the […]

    Pingback by Selection Bias « Procrastiblog — November 25, 2008 @ 12:17 pm

  5. I’m pretty sure that the olives were a molecular gastronomy thing, where it was actually an olive puree dropped into a solution to harden the outer surface but keep the interior in a puree form. The drops were also shaped like a real olive so it was really a playful kind of thing.

    I could be totally wrong though, Fabio didn’t explain it, but I think he may be another Richard.

    Comment by Guy Incongnito — December 16, 2008 @ 9:55 am

  6. Oh. Cool!

    Comment by Chris — December 16, 2008 @ 1:23 pm


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